Picture this. It’s December. Holiday ads everywhere, engagements popping up on social, onesie coordinated couple pics, texts from old friends and fam asking how you are and specifically asking if you’re dating anyone. Even though you’re happy with your life and doing your best to date, you still can’t help but feel…alone. Oh wait. No need to picture it. It’s happening. Only your single status has gone from “SO single” to “SO single without ANY IDEA how to mingle” given our current pandemic life.
Don’t worry my friends, inner boosters, or if you’re new, hi! You’re in the right place. By the time you get to the end of this blog you’ll have some mindset hacks, dating tips and even know how to handle the awkward pandemic kiss situation in a way that can actually be quite fun and respectful of differing views, with an easy way to move on from any awkward moments.
I’m a coach, author, strategist and human who has been through the same highs and lows of modern dating and have adapted some of the strategies from my book “From Swipe to Bae” as well as the top-secret guys version, to help anyone who would like to, date and grow a connection authentically, even in the pandemic.
Holidating (dating during the holiday season) can be both exciting and challenging. Exciting as you ride the wave of joy, giving, love and revel in the boost of hope as you meet new people during this season, it’s fun and gives you that extra spring in your step. The challenging side can be pretty tough, not only because of the added pressure around, if you’ve actually met someone you like, you naturally want to see more of them and schedules can be busy making it hard to see each other again. The added complexity of holiday dating will trigger any human to take any form of rejection, delayed dates or singledom vibes to next level low feels. Low vibes. Sadness!
Let’s say bye to that now. Get your tea, put on a festive song in the background and read on to go from “SO single” to “SO mingle”, pandemic or not!
And as it’s the season of giving, I’m giving both guys and gals free first date success guide downloads at the end. x
Holidating Success in 5 steps!
1. First, you need dates. Here’s how to quickly get more dates and you can video or meet in person, whatever you’re comfortable with:
Download a dating app of choice and spend 15-30 minutes a day matching (break it up in the morning and evening)
Take it into the phone zone and off the app as soon as you feel comfortable because it’s hard to see people as real humans until you’re more present in their real life, like the phone zone and then the date
If you don’t like dating apps then you MUST try City Swoon. Video speed dating. It’s such a great platform. Really easy to use with pre matches and fun hosts. I try anything I recommend personally before suggesting them and I think this is the best one out there. If you’re one of my inner boost members you get a discount. Just DM me on Instagram @thehaifaboost and I’ll give you the code. Think of it like a Live Swipe instead of an app swipe, great way to meet new people and suss out if you vibe
2. Second, you need a Mindset to survive the pressure of holidating!
Have a daily mantra that reminds you this is like any time of year, for example “dating during the holidays is just like any other time of year”to help you lift any self-pressure and stop you from putting any subconscious pressure on the date
Remember, dating is a way to get to know someone to see if there’s both chemistry and compatibility. That takes quality time, over time. Enjoy the process and take it date by date.
If you ever catch yourself worrying here’s another mantra to say to yourself in those moments “ I’m going to enjoy the moment and see how things go one swipe, and date at a time". You could call a trusted friend to chat it through, or DM me if you like on Instagram and I’ll direct you to more info that helps. It happens to everyone and can be exacerbated over the holidays so keep that self talk kind to you
Lastly, It’s a busy time of year, even in a pandemic! Time for family, catch ups with old friends, and personal time. Everyone naturally reflects back on the year and looks ahead to the next. Give each other space to do that and try not to take it personally if schedules are challenging to fit in the next date. Be OK with meeting up in the new year. If you’re struggling with that, ask yourself, what’s the rush?
If you need to push back a date, be really honest with the person as to why and reassure them that you’re looking forward to it. The feels people have this time of year can be extra sensitive so take care of each other. x
3. Third, you’re ready for some Holidating boosts (tips for the date) to make the most of the season and help you connect on a deeper level (if you want to):
Bask in the warmth and mood of any festive activity even if it’s going for a walk to see the lights
Get cozy with some mulled wine or spiced apply cider (this can be non-alcoholic). f you can’t go anywhere because of the pandemic, make some of your own, take some flasks and walk and talk
A great way to use this time of year to get to know each other is to ask holiday season type questions to get deeper if you want. For example:
- If you were still 5, what would you ask Santa for and why? How about now?
- As you reflect back on the year what did you learn this year that added to your life and what will you consider now because of it? Would you change anything?
- If you feel comfortable, bring up the added holiday pressures in dating and ask each other how you feel about it, then make a pact to remember it’s just like any other time and you’re enjoying the moment together right now…
- Remember it's a two way street. Only ask things you're willing to answer yourself
Get creative together, for example: make up your own holiday song
Do something generous together, for example, donate gifts or perhaps take extra food with you on that social distance walk and give it to anyone you see along that walk who's homeless
The idea is to get to know each other, personalities, loves, dislikes, fears and enjoy each-others company. Share things you enjoy with your date and ask them to do the same!
4. Oh Hey, you want to go in for The First Kiss?? You need a plan this year!
It’s a pandemic. We’re human though and people are still dating, kissing, escalating. Some talk about it in advance and quarantine for 2 weeks and others go for it in the moment. This is always going to be awkward and now there’s an added awkward layer. Don’t avoid dating because of this, instead, have fun with this awkward question and actually, the holidays are a perfect opportunity to do it i!!
Bring some mistletoe with you, if you feel a connection, bring it out and laugh and say something like “I’m willing to take the risk of you are? or “any other year you would have just gone for it but this year, it’s not so easy - so just take this mistletoe as a sign I would love to kiss you!” . Use words that feel natural to you!
The more fun you have with the delivery of this the more confident you will feel and natural it will be
You both might just go for it, or the date might say that is very sweet it’s just this pandemic! An easy in and an easy way out and ease the rejection
5. Are you wondering what to do about gifting? Let’s wrap up the blog with this
Ride the wave of extra joy, giving, love during this season and give your date something festive, for example
A card with a cute message, a heart shaped Christmas cookie, a book they would like to read. Whatever. A little touch of sweetness and thought, just don’t go overboard.
You can get more personal and spend as much as you like next holiday season if you’re still together.
If you’ve been dating a few months, use your judgement about them and choose something they would like and spend only what you’re comfortable with
And finally, my free gift to you
Download your free first date success guides here. There’s one for men and one for the ladies right on my homepage. Guaranteed to improve your dating experience. Each one is packed full of insights on how men and women think and tips on how to have fun, relax, show up confidently and lead it to successful first date, with a little bonus on how to end the date.
Happy holidating everyone. Let me know how these tips are working for you :)
H. xx
P.s. If you want your single girl friends to love you more, gift them my book. From Swipe to Bae. Once they're done reading, they'll thank you for it. A lady called Kirsten messaged me last year saying the anxiety trap chapter saved her from doing something she'd later regret on Xmas eve! 8 weeks after It was first published, another gal, Sarah DM'd me on Instagram to say she was in an exclusive relationship. It works and it's kind to all involved. Get a copy on Amazon now. Happy Holidays xx
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